Numb Heart

I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I don't understand.
The words playing over and over.
Wracking my memory.
Tarnishing my soul.
Devouring my life.
I don't understand.
What life?
This life?
This thing of ceaseless torment.


I sit in a meadow;
Perfectly cut
Perfect green grass
Whispering in my ear that it's time to go.
Shhh little grass,
I like it here. It's quiet and nice.
Nothing is complicated.
It's nice.
My head is singing.


I don't understand.
Over and over and over and over
Until my ears run red
And my cheeks are pruned
And my hands vibrate like a massage gone wrong
I can't breathe.
I can't think.


The sun casts little shadows across the meadow.
It's funny how some things
Never change.
And then they do.
Red splashes through the air.
Slow.
I watch it move forward as it inches,
Crawls ahead
And finally lands.


I don't understand.
Why do I hurt so much?
Slowly I have been dissolving into
nothingness.
I can feel it.
I can feel it eating at me.
Eating me away.
Nothing left of me.
I don't understand.


It falls.
Stains.
Red staining green.
It's like Christmas.
I smile because Christmas is nice too.
But the red is not Christmas.
Red stains.
Ruins.
Ruining the perfect meadow.
I don't understand.


I don't understand.


I don't understand.